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How to Prevent your Organization from being Successful.

The last 2 years I’ve finally been able to make a living out of coaching organizations. One of my goals for next year is to grow my company. To do this I need more organizations messing things up. This is why I’ve written up a list of patterns and principles you can apply to help me grow my company. Just try them out and after a year or so, give me a call. We’ll gladly coach your organization too.

  1. Never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. This emotion should be avoided at all cost.
  2. Only consult people who think alike and never those whose opinions may differ. They’re not nearly as intelligent as you or else they would have shared your brilliant insights.
  3. The primary goal in work and sports are practically the same. Climbing the corporate ladder is equivalent to winning and to do this you have to beat your colleagues.
  4. Approach IT from a customer/supplier perspective always use the assumption that implementing software and buying a car are the same.
  5. Companies should tell their employees they are their most important capital. Do this and you can keep treating them like second class citizens. They won’t notice.
  6. Keep looking for that silver bullet, that one process, framework or tool to solve it all. Over the last 50 years everyone has failed. But hey, they haven’t met you yet.
  7. Hire the company who can do the job, the quickest and costs the least. They now what they are doing, or else they would have told you right?
  8. Tell people you expect them to deliver quality work on time but always be late and unprepared for meetings. They won’t mind.
  9. Solve complex problems using complex structures. Complex times Complex equals Simple.
  10. Use documents as the primary means of communication. Collaboration is only for organizations that cannot produce state of the art documents.
  11. Reward those people who are capable of solving problems really fast. Let someone else worry about the organizational debt they create.
  12. Don’t talk openly about feelings or things like trust. This should be left over to women while drinking tea.

Please use as many patterns as possible, they are completely free of charge. And when you’re out, give me call I have lots more.

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